I got weak around 2:25 pm. I just finished lunch and was feeling nostalgic. No one was around to distract me. I poked my head in his office, against all better judgment. Then, miraculously, my friend replied with an email that helped restore faith in myself. This was probably the most important email I’ve read in a while.
2:48 pm
RE:
first of all. STOP hating yourself. Your decisions are yours. You can
do whatever your want as long as it’s your decision. No one makes you
do anything, and no one will ridicule you for any action.
I think you should re-write him an email saying.
“ok. now, seriously, this is my LAST email to you. Please STOP
contacting me through any form of communication. I do not want to have
any communication with you. I am taking time for myself right now and
whether anything has changed is a moot point. Just don’t contact me at
all. please respect my decision”
seriously. it does not matter if he changes his mind and wants to be
together, because he will revert back. he is not able to change who he
is. and you are not able to change who you are. so, just leave it. do
not even think about getting back together for 3 MONTHS. then you can
think about it. maybe 3 months of twice weekly therapy will help him
but he is not going to get better with you around too. just like, you
can’t get over him if you keep talking to him.
Be strong. Can you please tell _____, that whenever she sees you
walking over to him to stage an intervention. Also, do not
underestimate your own abilities. He’s made you think that you are this
weak girl, also he made you believe that you are a unreasonable and
overemotional girl. He is wrong. Show him how wrong he is…how you are
more mature, rational and strong that he gave you credit for.”
May 2009
7 posts
When you express love, acceptance, and respect, you create happiness within. When you express judgments, fear, jealousy, and anger you experience emotional chaos. The challenge is to master your emotional expression. You are the only one who can determine the thoughts you think, the words that come out of your mouth, and the emotions you create. Your thoughts, choices and interpretations you make are based in your core beliefs. When you change your core beliefs you change the emotional quality of your life.
The power to change your life and create happiness resides with you. No one else can change what you believe and what you express. But you don’t have to figure it out on your own.
“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real—but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.”
(Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live)
remember xanga?
That is where we fell in love and where things fell apart.
sometimes being good is enough.
sometimes being good is not enough.
